Separated But Not Sure What’s Next?

Separation can feel overwhelming. When emotions are high, it’s easy to get stuck in the uncertainty surrounding plans for children, finances and each person's legal responsibilities. Taking small, practical steps early can make the process clearer and less stressful. Here are some of my tips for starting the process and getting off on the right foot with your soon-to-be ex.

1. Communication

Start with honesty and calm: However difficult it might be, try and share your concerns and hopes with your ex-partner without assigning blaming. Focus on the facts of the matter rather than your feelings.

Keep records: Keeping written notes or emails about agreements or plans can prevent misunderstandings later. If you do make an agreement verbally, follow it up with a written message so that both parties are clear on what took place.

2. Disclosure

Full financial transparency: Both parties should list all assets, income, debts and expenses. This helps ensure fair decisions about property, support, or child costs. There is no point exaggerating these and hoping noone will notice! Unless you are extremely wealthy, the income you shared when you were together now has to support two households rather than one so it's highly unlikely it's going to stretch further than it did previously.

Documentation: Gather bank statements, bills, and pay slips - it will save time and stress later. If you've been meaning to track down a pension or lost savings account, now is the moment.

3. Mediation

Neutral support: A mediator is trained to help you reach agreements on children and finances.

Benefits: Mediation is often faster, cheaper and less adversarial than court. It can help both parties feel heard and respected and may uncover options you hadn't previously considered.

Actionable: Agreements made in mediation can later be formalised into legal orders.

4. When Court Might Be Needed

Disputes persist: If you cannot agree on child arrangements or financial support, a court may need to make a decision on your behalf.

Safety concerns: If there are risks to children or either parent, courts can step in quickly to ensure protection.

Legal formalisation: Even if mediation works, some agreements require court approval to be enforceable.

FAQ

Do I need a solicitor? Not always. Solicitors are helpful for legal advice or if disputes are complex, but mediation or independent negotiation can work in many cases. You can also draw on the support of a McKenzie Friend if you need help preparing for mediation or court.

Can I start mediation before going to court? Yes. Unless there are concerns for safety, a genuine reason for an urgent hearing or the whereabouts of the other party are unknown, in the UK the Family Court expects you to try mediation before applying to court.

What if my ex-partner refuses to communicate? Document your attempts and consider mediation or legal advice. Courts may intervene if agreements are impossible to reach otherwise.

Do I have to disclose everything? Yes. Full disclosure is required for fair financial settlements. Hiding assets can have serious consequences in court.