Coping in the Early Days of Separation: Practical Help to See You Through

Separation is hard — there’s no way to sugar-coat it. Whether it was your decision, theirs, or mutual, the early days can feel like a whirlwind of emotion. One minute you're relieved, the next you're heartbroken. It’s confusing, exhausting, and overwhelming. But you can get through it, and here are a few gentle, practical ways to help you cope. 

1. Be Kind to Yourself

First things first - give yourself permission to feel whatever you need to feel. Sad, angry, numb, guilty, relieved - it’s absolutely ok to acknowledge every emotion. Don’t pressure yourself to “be okay” right away. You’re navigating a major life change that is hard to prepare for. Treat yourself like you would a close friend going through the same thing: with patience, kindness, and compassion.

2. Create a Simple Routine

The emotional rollercoaster can make it hard to focus, so I’m a big fan of tackling everything in small steps. Wake up at a regular time, eat nourishing food, make sure you get outside for some fresh air and try to go to bed at a decent hour. A simple, steady routine gives you structure and a sense of control when everything else feels uncertain.

3. Lean on Your People

You don’t have to do this alone. Reach out to friends or family, even if it’s just to sit in silence or have a cup of tea. If talking about it feels too much, that’s okay too - just having someone there can make a world of difference. And if your support circle is small or you’re finding your situation overwhelming, that’s the ideal time to consider external support from a divorce coach. 

4. Limit the Big Decisions

Try not to make huge life changes in the first few weeks unless you absolutely have to. Your emotions are raw, and decisions made in the thick of grief or anger can backfire. Give yourself time to think things through and work on what is going to be best for you in the long run. 

5. Let the Grief Come and Go

Often compared to the grief associated with the loss of a loved one, separation is a widely recognised form of loss. It’s okay to grieve the life you thought you’d have and what you are saying goodbye to. Cry if you need to. Write things down. Walk it out. Just don’t bottle it up. Your emotions need an outlet. Once you acknowledge how you’re feeling, you’ll start to be able to work on managing those feelings and move forwards.

6. Nourish Yourself

When my marriage broke down, I quickly found myself on the ‘divorce diet’ as I was in such a state of shock that food was the last thing on my mind. I felt sick, bewildered and confused. However, to get through this period you need strength and your body needs nourishment so it’s essential to keep eating. If you can’t face eating normal meals, try eating a little and often to keep your blood sugar levels up and your metabolism working.

7. One Day at a Time

You might not see it now, but you will find your feet again. For now, just focus on getting through each day with care. Healing isn’t a race - it’s a process and that process takes time. Taking the small steps approach will help you get through each day, tackling 10 minutes at a time rather than thinking about an entire day. And remember to go easy on yourself. You’re doing better than you think.