Why You Can’t Stop Worrying During Divorce (and How to Find Peace Again)

Divorce is regularly described as being one of life’s most stressful experiences - second only to the death of a loved one. If you’re in the middle of it right now, you're probably reading this and nodding in agreement. It’s not just the reams of legal paperwork, the questions around finances or your custody arrangements. It’s the emotional toll that weighs on you every day: the uncertainty, the fear of the unknown and the constant inner voice asking, “Am I doing the right thing? What happens next?”

If you feel stuck in a cycle of worrying and struggling to move forward, you’re not alone. In fact, this is one of the most common challenges people face during divorce.

Why Divorce Triggers So Much Worry

Our brains are wired to crave certainty and to manage predictability. Divorce, by its very nature, shatters the familiar and throws us into a phase of complete unpredictability. Suddenly, questions about your future, your children, your home and your identity all rush to the surface at once.

This flood of “what ifs” activates the brain’s alarm system and your mind responds by trying to stay in control by rehearsing every possible scenario over and over again. Unfortunately, instead of giving you clarity, it leaves you feeling drained, overwhelmed and unable to focus on what matters right now.

The Hidden Cost of Constant Worrying

At first, worrying can feel productive. You’re thinking about the future, planning and preparing. But in reality, most of that mental energy is spent going round and round in circles.

The truth about constant worrying? It...

• Exhausts your energy. Leaving you too tired to be fully present with your children, friends, or even yourself.

• Steals joy from the present. Moments that could bring calm or connection get overshadowed by anxious thoughts.

• Creates a false sense of control. You may feel like you’re “doing something” by worrying, but the truth is, worry doesn’t do anything to solve problems - it only magnifies them.

  
  

Practical Tools to Ease Worry

Here are a few simple strategies that can help you loosen worry’s grip and help you reclaim some peace of mind:

1. The Worry Window

Instead of battling your thoughts all day, give them a fixed timeframe. Set aside 15 minutes a day as your “worry window.” During this time, write down the worries circling in your mind. Ask yourself:

• Is this something I can do something about?

• If yes, what’s the first step?

• If not, I need to stop wasting time over it.

When worries pop up outside that time, gently remind yourself: “I’ll come back to this later.” Over time, this trains your brain not to ruminate endlessly.

2. Fact vs. Fear

Worries are often fuelled by worst-case scenarios. Try writing your worry down, then ask: What are the actual facts right now? What is fear projecting onto this situation? This helps separate what’s real from what’s imagined so that you can manage your thoughts accordingly.

3. Grounding Techniques

When your mind is racing, trying using a simple grounding tool like the 5-4-3-2-1 method: notice five things you see, four things you feel, three things you hear, two things you smell and one thing you taste. This exercise brings you back to the present moment and calms your nervous system. It works in a similar way to the distraction techniques that we often use with children and allows our brains to focus on something else.

4. Celebrate Small Wins

Progress doesn’t have to mean giant leaps. Some days, progress is simply making one phone call, writing a list, or even just getting through bedtime with the kids. Recognise these moments - they build resilience one step at a time. All progress is progress!

Reframing the Journey

It’s important to remember that the goal isn’t to stop worrying completely. That’s impossible. The goal is to stop letting worry control your day, your choices and your peace of mind.

You’re allowed to feel uncertain. You’re allowed to doubt yourself. And you’re allowed to move slowly. None of this means you’re failing - it means you’re human.

Reframing your divorce journey isn’t about perfection. I don't know a single person who can claim they managed their divorce perfectly. I'm not sure it's even possible! It’s about progress, compassion and finding tools that help you reclaim small pockets of calm as you move forward.

Final Thoughts

Worrying won’t change the outcome of your divorce, but it will steal today’s peace if you let it. By setting boundaries with your worries, grounding yourself in the present and celebrating small wins, you give yourself the best chance to heal and rebuild honestly and effectively. And that's all any of us can hope for,

And remember - you don’t have to go through this alone. Support from friends, family or a divorce coach can help you navigate the rollercoaster with less pressure and more confidence.

Your future is still unfolding and you are stronger than you think. 🌿