How Do I Get Over My Ex?

Sunset over a field

Breakups can feel like an emotional car crash – one minute you're navigating life as part of a unit, the next you're staring into a future that looks nothing like the one you had planned. Whether you were together for two years or twenty, it’s a loss that hits deeply. So, how do you start picking yourself up when everything feels upside down?

Here are a few gentle reminders and practical tips to help you begin:

1. Let It Go

Easier said than done, I know, but there is nothing to be gained from obsessing over why your ex did something or said something. You'll never really know. Better to try and invest your energy in accepting there are things you simply can't control. By reliving your sad story by telling it to anyone and everyone, all you're doing is keeping it fresh in your mind. Use your energy wisely and focus on the things that are within your control.

2. Feel It All

Just because you have to let your old life go, doesn't mean you're not allowed to feel heartbroken, angry, numb, or even relieved – sometimes all in one day! There’s no “right” timeline for moving on. Give yourself permission to grieve the relationship and the version of you that existed in that partnership. Suppressing it only delays the healing.

3. Unfollow, Mute, Delete

Keeping tabs on your ex’s every move via social media is like picking at a scab – it keeps the pain fresh. Rebuilding your self-esteem is key to moving on so dig deep and resist the urge to follow their life and focus on yours instead. It's not petty; it’s self-protection. Out of sight can help give your heart a breather while you rebuild your own life.

4. Reclaim Your Space

Whether you’re in the same home or somewhere new, make your space feel like yours. Move the furniture, buy a new duvet set, light a candle that’s not tied to any memories. These small things signal to your brain that life is changing - and that’s okay.

5. Don't Hibernate

Resist the urge to go it alone. Message a mate. Go for a coffee. Say yes to that weekend invite. You might not feel totally yourself yet, but showing up helps. Connection is one of the most powerful tools for healing. As is distraction!

6. Remember: You Haven’t Failed

A relationship ending doesn’t necessarily mean you got it wrong. It might just mean that something ran its course. That’s part of life. You’re allowed to evolve, to change and to want more. It won’t always hurt this much. One day you’ll realise you’ve gone a whole morning without thinking about them – and then a whole week. Little by little, you’ll come back to yourself.