Back to School From Two Homes? How To Support Your Child This Term

The start of a new school year is always a big transition. New teachers, new routines and maybe even a new school – it’s exciting, but it can also feel overwhelming for children. If you’re co-parenting after a separation or divorce, there’s an extra layer to think about too: how your child manages these changes while moving between two homes.The good news is, with a bit of awareness and planning, you can help your child feel supported, secure, and confident as they settle into the new term.

Recognising the Signs of Overwhelm

Children often show us they’re struggling through their behaviour rather than words. Some things to look out for:

• Behavioural signs: clinginess, big emotions, reluctance to go to school.

• Physical signs: tummy aches, headaches, disrupted sleep.

• Emotional signs: irritability, withdrawal or suddenly going backwards in independence.

These aren’t signs your child is being “difficult” – they’re signals that they need a little extra reassurance from you that everything is going to be ok.

Creating Consistency Between Homes

One of the best gifts you can give your child is a sense of predictability. Even if your parenting styles differ, some shared basics make a huge difference:

• Agree on a similar bedtime and morning routine in both homes.

• Keep homework habits consistent – perhaps a set time after school.

• Share the school calendar digitally so both of you are in the loop for clubs, trips, and events.

Children feel more settled when they know what to expect, no matter which home they’re in.

Building Emotional Safety

A new school year can feel like a whirlwind of expectations. Creating calm spaces at home helps children reset. This might look like:

• A cosy corner with their favourite book or toy.

• A short walk together after school to chat about the day.

• Simple, open-ended questions like: “What was the best part of today?” or “What felt a bit tricky?”

And remember – sometimes children just need quiet time. Listening without trying to fix everything is one of the most powerful ways to support them.

Supporting Big Transitions

Starting a new class or school can feel daunting. There are plenty of ways you can ease the transition by:

• Practicing the school run from both homes.

• Visiting the new classroom or meeting teachers ahead of time.

• Talking positively about the opportunities – while reassuring them it’s normal to feel nervous.

Most importantly, present a united front. Let your child see that both of you are rooting for them. That sense of stability helps them feel safe enough to embrace the new normal.

Looking After Yourself Too

Let’s not forget – the long autumn term feels like a marathon for us parents too. As much as I'm grateful for the return to routine, I know that this is the start of the long old road to Christmas which brings a whole new set of challenges for divorced parents.

For the new few weeks, it's highly likely you'll also be juggling your own emotions, worries, or feelings of missing out when your child is at the other parent’s home. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish – it’s essential. A calmer, steadier parent helps create calmer, steadier children. So give yourself permission to rest, recharge and find small moments of joy along the way.

Final Thoughts

The start of the school year is a big adjustment for children – especially when they’re navigating two homes. But with patience, consistency and emotional support, they can not only cope but thrive.

You don’t need to do it perfectly. Simply being present, listening and creating small anchors of routine and safety will help your child feel secure, loved, and ready to face the new school year

with confidence.